Seventh Blog Post!! (Warning its personal)

 In my recent readings on sexuality and marriage (Lauer Ch. 4, Brotherson, Gardner), I reflected deeply on my past relationships—especially those in which I gave everything I had: my money, my clothes, my body, my time, my energy, and my thoughts. I believed that by giving so much, I could build a strong connection and earn the commitment I wanted. However, looking back, I realize many of those relationships showed ambivalence at best. I did not receive the respect, care, or emotional safety I deserved, and that imbalance left me feeling drained and undervalued.

One chapter that stood out was Lauer’s exploration of the differences between male and female sexual responses. This helped me understand why some of my experiences felt so difficult. I recall situations where my ex-partner mostly focused on the physical side of me—he valued my body more than my feelings or boundaries. Once he fulfilled his desires, he lost interest or moved on emotionally, which left me feeling used and invisible. It hurt to realize that he saw me only as a source of physical satisfaction rather than as a whole person worthy of love and respect.

In contrast, I have also experienced healthier relationships where men genuinely respected my limits and feelings. For example, when I said, “I’m not ready to cuddle yet,” they accepted that and patiently waited until I felt comfortable. When I told them, “Not yet for a kiss,” they listened and never pressured me. That difference felt profound. Feeling safe and valued made all the difference in creating true intimacy. This respect for boundaries and emotional safety is exactly what Laura Brotherson emphasizes—highlighting how essential it is to honor each other’s feelings and to build trust and comfort before deepening physical intimacy.

Brother Scott Gardner’s teachings on boundaries helped me see how crucial it is to protect both the relationship and my emotional and spiritual health. Boundaries do not control but create a safe environment where both partners feel respected and free to express their needs honestly. Healthy boundaries form the foundation of trust, enabling love to grow in a safe and nurturing way.

Another important topic that resonated with me was the impact of pornography on relationships. Pornography causes serious problems because it directs sexual desire toward people outside the committed partnership—whether another woman, man, or whoever is featured. When someone uses pornography in a marriage or relationship, they damage loyalty and trust. It feels like choosing to be aroused by someone else, which breaks the exclusive emotional and physical connection a committed couple should share. Even without physical cheating, pornography can create disloyalty by distracting and distancing partners from each other.

Pornography distorts intimacy because it encourages one-sided fantasies instead of the mutual, vulnerable connection that builds true closeness. It sets unrealistic expectations and often leaves one or both partners feeling inadequate or hurt. From my perspective, pornography steals the genuine emotional and physical connection between partners, creating barriers instead of bridges.

In class, I learned how cheating on a spouse often reflects a choice to follow lust instead of love. One story I remember was about a woman who cheated despite having a good marriage. After being caught, she deeply regretted her decision. She realized she had a loving, fulfilling relationship all along but chose to chase fleeting lustful desires outside of it. That story resonated with me because it showed how easy it is to lose sight of what truly matters—loyalty, trust, and the love already built. It reminded me how destructive those choices can be and how much more fulfilling it is to nurture and protect the bond with the person I truly love.

These readings and lessons have given me a clearer perspective on what I want in my relationships moving forward. I want a partnership where love, respect, and intimacy flow both ways—where I feel safe expressing my needs and boundaries without fear. I now understand that my value does not depend on how much I give physically, but on who I am as a whole person deserving dignity, respect, and care.

Moving forward, I am committed to cultivating relationships where emotional safety and respect from the foundation, where loyalty remains sacred, and where love grows through mutual understanding and patience. I want to protect my heart and my worth by setting clear boundaries and being honest about my feelings and needs. I want to build a connection that honors both partners as complete individuals and celebrates intimacy as a shared, respectful experience.