Nineth Blog Check!!

Dear Blog,

When I think about my journey with communication, I can’t help but reflect on my past relationships—especially with my two exes. Those experiences taught me a lot about love, myself, and what healthy communication really means.

My first boyfriend, Ricky, and I met in 8th grade. When high school started, I had a lot of free time and little understanding of healthy emotional boundaries. I constantly messaged him. If he didn’t reply quickly, I’d get upset and sometimes cry. My mood depended on whether I heard from him. Looking back, I realize how much I relied on communication as proof of love. I was clingy, desperate for constant connection, and didn’t understand that it’s okay to have space in a relationship.

A psychology teacher once said, “If you think your boyfriend or girlfriend needs to text you every second of the day, get a life.” At the time, it stung, but it stuck with me. I started trying to have deeper conversations instead of flooding him with texts. Ricky wasn’t ready for that kind of connection—he got defensive and arguments followed. Eventually, we broke up. Though painful, that relationship taught me the importance of emotional boundaries and healthier communication.

My second relationship began differently. I had started focusing on myself—spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, and learning to love my own company. A friend once told me, “You need to date yourself before dating anyone else.” That advice helped me build confidence and independence. My boyfriend respected that I wasn’t always glued to my phone, and I felt more balanced.

Old habits crept back in. I began checking my phone obsessively, getting frustrated when he took too long to respond. My anxiety built up until one day I blew out at him with an emotional message. I realize now that this wasn’t healthy communication—it was manipulation driven by insecurity. I pressured him instead of creating a safe space for open dialogue. That moment marked the beginning of our breakup.

Reflecting on these relationships, I see where things went wrong. It wasn’t just about what the other person did—it was about how I handled conflict and communication. According to John Gottman’s research, conflict itself isn’t destructive—it’s how couples manage conflict that predicts success or failure. Unfortunately, I often react emotionally instead of communicating calmly and respectfully.

I wish I had known the “five Secrets of Effective Communication” earlier. Instead of blowing up, I could have used empathy, expressed my feelings without blame, and invited honest conversation. For example, saying, “When I don’t hear from you, I feel insecure. Can we talk about how to communicate in a way that works for both of us?” would have opened the door to real connection.

I’ve also grown to appreciate Elder M. Russell Ballard’s teachings on counseling together. In his talk “Strength in Counsel,” he explains how unity comes from working together, listening, and seeking understanding—principles that apply to families and marriages. My past relationships lacked that kind of mutual counsel. Instead, they were filled with reaction and misunderstanding.

Now, if I were to date again, I’d approach communication differently. I wouldn’t expect constant texting. I’d value quality over quantity and aim to counsel with my partner. When disagreements arise, we’d give ourselves time to cool off and then calmly discuss our feelings. Sometimes, as Gottman suggests, sleeping on it is the best choice to avoid saying hurtful things in anger.

Most importantly, I’d remember that love isn’t about being at someone’s beck and call. It’s about trust, space, and support. Sometimes you need to face challenges on your own, so you can bring your best self to the relationship. Giving each other room to miss one another keeps the connection alive and meaningful.

I’m still learning and growing, but I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. Communication used to be my weakness, but now it’s becoming one of my greatest strengths—not because I’m perfect, but because I’m willing to reflect, pause, and listen—to others and to myself.

Communication isn’t about how often you talk—it’s about how honestly and respectfully you connect when it matters.